About Me
- VCW
- Vera Charline Wareham is my full name, and this blog is about my developing book, "Patchwork Faces of the Moon." Dreams and visions play a large role as the stories progress. This is not a novel, but a book. It is three different stories of the lives of three women--Song, the youngest ages from about five to fourteen throughout her stories; Cici is a middle aged hippie type; and Chyenne is the oldest, about sixty. Although Song changes the most in the years that pass, time changes all three on their journey to self-discovery. Their life paths cross in unusual and somewhat spooky ways. Each character's chapters will be sequential, but all character's chapters will be shuffled together--one of the reasons for the name "Patchwork Faces of the Moon." This is a predominantly nonfiction account of "Tangled Memoirs", which is the subtitle.
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The work of Vera Charline Wareham Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. This license applies to original text and images by Vera Charline Wareham. For permission to use work of other authors or artists posted here, they will need to be contacted.
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8 comments:
Love the photo and the thought. But I do think it needs re-writing. Maybe too much alliteration (4 "fl"s) and the end rhyme of return and year distracts.
You are probably right. I will think about how I can reword the thought, and maybe someone else will have a suggestion. Thanks for always being honest. That is the only way we can improve... to get honest and constructive criticism.
How about...
Seasons fly away
Hearts sink in a wing's flury
Free birds return
Stomachs quiver
Butterflies come along
Nice revision.
Thanks, I think that I will go with that... when I get a chance to change it.
While I agree with Roswila's observations, I wanted to mention a couple of things I actually liked about your original version. I liked the word "yearn" appearing before "butterflies," as I can imagine butterflies yearning for wings of freedom. I also liked the fluttering hearts in the original version. Again, this is not meant as a disagreement with Roswila or with your revision. I merely wanted to toss in my two cents.
Thanks for your two cents Eccentric. I was hoping that someone else would chime in. I am still thinking about changes in all of the text for these images... so the revision is not written in stone yet. I am still thinking. Toss your two cents where ever you like.
How about...
Seasons fly away
Hearts flutter as wings soar
Free birds come back
Stomachs yearn
Butterflies come along
???
What does anybody think?
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