Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Mesmerized and Peeping Nervously


9 comments:

Roswila said...

That first one is intriguing. You "talking" to the bird? to the reader? We can all certainly be mesmerized by looking at inner reflections! It puts me in mind of when I wake up from some dreams ... holding on to their traces ...

Roswila said...

The second is not quite as satisfying. Do you mean both you and the bird are "nervously peeping"? I'd say the bird, especially in this photo, is not ordinary. :-) And as written it tends to read as personifying the bird, which doesn't work for me. Love the photo, though.

VCW said...

I like the first one best too. I am trying to write verse that reflects something of the photograph and yet has a message that many readers may relate to. That is so in all of this series. The second one... I was personifying the bird and mirroring what I might say or think if I was him.

-VCW

VCW said...

You know... like

--I am he as you are he as you are me And we are all together

VCW said...

Maybe...

Nervously peeping
Beyond each other's thoughts
Window with a view

Roswila said...

That might work except that you are attributing thought to the bird. (I know, I know, I can almost hear someone who just read what I did about current research showing how hard it is to maintain that animals don't have at least some rudimentary thinking processes.) Maybe that second line: Beyond each other's reactions, or maybe instead of reactions, goals? or "Around each other's presence..." ??? Yeah, that last comes close to it, maybe.

VCW said...

Nervously peeping
Beyond each other's presence
Window with a view

That's it! I'm gonna change it.

Anonymous said...

I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I totally agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)